


Lust

by lei_lei



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 16:35:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17063207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lei_lei/pseuds/lei_lei
Summary: He was trying so damn hard to control himself...but God all he wants to do is kiss her.





	Lust

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't really a continuation of my first story Father Forgive Me, but hey if the shoe fits.

She couldn't really describe it. There just weren’t any words that could convey the thoughts that crossed her mind in those moments. So precious and so sparse that if she stopped too long to think about them they seemed like dreams. Like slivers of another life or wistful hazes that came and went like whispers. 

 

Putting words to the thoughts by-passed her entirely. But the  _ feelings? _ The overwhelming emotion that engulfed her very being whenever those moments happened?  _ That.  _ She could describe. It was warm and all consuming. To the point that it filled her to brim and left her complete despite their irregularity of appearance. She felt whole. Like every loss, every slight, every wrong that had ever come across her had been intentional and had led her to those very moments. In those moments she wondered how she’d lived, how she had gone through her life prior, with this whole piece of her heart missing. Heaven and Earth, she had it bad. 

 

“ _ Luciel,”  _ His name hung in the silence of the room only to be met with the tapping of worn keys and the dull click of a mouse. It had been so long since she felt that warmth that once again she mused perhaps it had just been a dream.

 

“ **_Luciel.”_ ** He was just...ridiculous. Ridiculous for believing that if he just stopped answering, if he just pretended that those moments never happened, hell, forget that she even  _ existed  _ then things would get easier. Ridiculous for believing all of their problems would go away and he could carry on as he always had. Ridiculous for fooling her each and every time into thinking that just maybe this time would be different, maybe he’d finally end the cycles of push-and-pull. Ridiculous. 

 

“I know you told me to leave you alone and let you work, but…” She wasn’t sure where she was going with this. She just wanted him to  _ talk  _ to her again. To pretend for a second they were like they used to be, goofing and laughing together. She’d kill to hear him say anything that wasn’t a barked command to mind her business or a plea to just give him his space. 

 

“I just wanted to know if you wanted something to eat? Maybe I can make you something and you can take a break...” Not a word. Not even for a second did his gaze shift from the harsh light of the computer screen. “Or a cup of tea maybe?” Nothing. “A glass of water? Anything at all to help…” Silence. 

 

“Luciel, ... _ please.” _ For a moment she swore his fingers stilled, hovering carefully over the keyboard. She thought maybe she’d finally gotten through to him, that just maybe he’d let her in, even if for a second. Maybe she’d get a moment of warmth…

 

And then he started typing again. If anything it seemed as if a new sheen of ice cascaded over his body. He somehow became more rigid than before, moving mechanically, methodically, ignoring her with a renewed sense of vigor. 

 

**Ridiculous.**

 

It had been like this for days now and she was losing her patience. There was only so much cold shoulder she could take before snapping. Hell, as far as she was concerned she hadn’t done anything to warrant this kind of treatment. Defender of Justice her ass. More like Defender of Jerks.  

 

“Fine,” She pushed her bangs behind her ear, a deep breath releasing from her nose. “That’s just fine, Seven.”  Two could play at this game. “Don’t answer me.” She was met by more incessant typing.

 

“If you won’t acknowledge me,”  _ Click-clat _ . “You leave me no choice.”  _ Click-clat _ . “You’re kinda tying my hands here, Luciel.”  _ Click-clat _ . “What’s a girl to do?”  _ Click-clat. _

 

_ “ _ When-”

_ Click-clat _ .

“You.”

_ Click-clat. _

“Just.”

_ Click-clat. _

“Won’t.”

_ Click-clat, Click-clat, click-clat, click-clat _ . 

“Listen.”

 

She had managed to kneel down beside him and grab one of his hands moving furiously across the keyboard before he shot to his feet. He looked...panicked to say the least. Like a caged animal, weighing whether to run or attack. For a minute she was afraid. Maybe she had pushed him too far. 

 

He stared down incredulously at her, eyes widened twice their normal size; a look certainly not helped by the fact his glasses already magnified his gaze. He held the hand she touched as far from his body as possible, as if he had been scorched and was reeling for some sense of relief. His mouth was popped open almost endearingly in a perfectly shaped ‘o’. Whatever words he may have been planning to say seemed to die at his lips. 

 

She had really done it this time.

 

“I-I’m so sorry, Seven. I was just kidding around, I thought maybe if I could get you to laugh then-” 

 

“What is wrong with you?” Her mouth snapped shut. 

 

“I mean it. What is wrong with you?” It was a rhetorical question surely, and yet his hand finally dropped to his side and his gaze met hers with the intensity to knock the wind out of her. The longer she waited the sharper it got until eventually he cocked a brow. 

 

“You’re right that shit is annoying. Answer me!”  Seven hadn’t said a word in over twenty-four hours and now he was all but screaming at her. She wasn’t sure how to act, his reactions to everything she did were so off kilter. 

 

Despite the slight fear that racked her she took a step towards him. His eyes followed her movements carefully as she took another step. And another. And another. Her own brows furrowed and the closer she got to him the more she realized it wasn’t fear she felt. She wasn’t afraid that he screamed or that his moods were wildly unpredictable. No, this wasn’t fear. It was...

 

**_Anger._ **

 

Pure and unadulterated anger. For all the times he ignored her or snapped at her for caring. For letting her believe they were friends and that he gave a damn about her. For pulling her into him only to have him pull away and shut her out completely. This feeling had been building inside of her for days now and finally she could put her finger on it. 

 

Her frown deepened and she moved with resolve until she was standing directly in front of him. She craned her neck to meet his gaze and knew she had thrown him. His body was rigid but his eyes were panicked, scanning her face, searching for reason. For the first time she felt she had some sort of control, some semblance of a say in their relationship dynamic. 

 

“You. You’re what’s wrong with me.” The words bubbled to her lips, begging for release. All of the feelings she had were finally being said and whether he liked it or not he would have to listen and  _ answer  _ her. No more running or shutting her up.

 

“You’ve been acting like a real...” Scumbag? Not tough enough. Douche-bag? Too juvenile. Shit-friend. Accurate, but not exactly eloquent. “-Jerk.” It would have to do. 

  
“And unless you tell me why I’m just going to assume for no reason. I don’t know what I did to make you upset or if I hurt you in some way, but friends don’t treat friends like this.” He turned his gaze away from her, running his lower lip through his teeth. 

 

“Friends don’t ignore friends when they’re desperately trying to talk to the other. Even if I did something, what could I have possibly done that was so bad that you don’t want to be friends anymore, that I don’t even deserve a response when speaking to you.” He looked increasingly anxiously, his right hand moved to clutch his other arm, fingers wringing desperately into the fabric of his shirt. 

 

“Look at me, Luciel. Look. At. Me.” He couldn’t seem to bring himself to do it. To look her in the eyes and explain to her why he had done this.

 

“Look at me and tell me why you don’t want to be my frien-”

 

“You’re right! ...You’re right. I don’t want to be your friend.” She jolted back at his sudden burst. He had yet to look her in the eyes and seemed to be transfixed with the floorboards. 

 

“I...I wish I could just be your friend.” W-Wait a second. “I tried so hard to just want to be your friend. That way I could keep you for a little while just like Yoosung. That way you could stay in my life even if it was just temporary.” The gears in her mind were working overtime trying to make sense of what he was saying to her. There was no way he could mean…

 

“Luciel-” She reached a hand to brush the stray hair that had fallen in his face from his sudden outburst. She paused to look at him, fear etched across his features, worry lines seemingly taking permanent residence on his brow, his dark circles permeating against his ashen complexion.  He looked so much older and so...tired. 

 

“No. Stop.” He seemed to suddenly regain his senses and reeled away from her, stepping around her frame to put as much distance as possible between them. 

 

“Don’t you see?” Finally he met her gaze. His lips were drawn into a deep frown and if she strained she could see what appeared to be tears threatening release. He let out a strangled groan, letting his arms fall limp at his sides. “You’re killing me.” 

 

“I don’t...I think I’m misunderstanding.” He threw his head back and raised his hand to squeeze his eyes shut. 

 

“ _ God, forgive me.”  _ It was barely a whisper, but the moment it left his lips, he straightened his body out and moved with resolve to stand back in front of her.

 

“Stop me, okay?” What was happening…? Her mind was reeling. A million thoughts buzzed in her head and every moment that passed he seemed to be drawing closer and closer to her. 

  
“Tell me now if you want me to stop.” He was inching further and her breath hitched audibly. Her eyes followed his movements and she watched carefully as he ducked his head to meet her level, his lidded gaze falling onto her lips. 

 

“If you don’t-” He was whispering now, his own lips barely parted from her own. Her heart pulsated in her ears and her entire body felt warm. “-I won’t be able to stop.” Desperation dripped from his lips like honey. He swept his tongue across his lower lip, never lifting his gaze. 

 

And then it happened. 

Seven was kissing her. And for Christ’s sake she was kissing him back. 

 

His mouth moved across hers in a panic and his hands gripped her shoulders keeping her locked in place. Arguably it was sloppy, his tongue swished over her own, and on more than one occasion their teeth clashed together in the midst of the fervor.

 

But the warmth was back. Her entire body seemed to ignite under his touch, her mind buzzed, and her fingers ached to lock themselves into the tufts of his hair. The world seemed to move in slow motion.

 

Yet, their fevered panting when he released her lips and the gasp that escaped her as he moved his mouth to rest in shell of her ear seemed to all come so fast. 

 

“I can’t control myself.” His voice was pained and it sent ripples through her body as he continued to groan into her ear. “I tried, but I just can’t.”

 

His lips captured hers once more and her hands moved to tangle themselves in his hair. Why the hell had he waited so long to do this? There was no need to hold himself back. This felt so good, so natural, so...so…

 

“Bad.” He popped their lips apart a ran his hand over his face. 

 

“W-what?” She blinked languidly back at him, shaking her head slightly. 

 

“This,” He gestured between them “This was bad. I shouldn’t have done it.” It made no sense.  _ Nothing  _ about that kiss had been bad. She felt it down to her damn toes. If that kiss was bad then she had no inclination to ever be good. 

 

“I knew I wasn’t supposed to and I did it anyway. God damn it.” He seemed to be talking to himself more than anyone, pacing back and forth while shaking his head in disbelief. 

 

She  wanted to comfort him, to reassure that whatever he felt she felt too. But- the moment she took a step towards him he paused in his tracks to raise a finger.

  
“Don’t come any closer.” He looks at her. “This won’t happen again.” He doesn’t give her a second to speak before he’s plopped back down in front of the PC, snapping his headphones over his ears.

 

So she stands. Poised in the middle of the room waiting. Waiting for him to turn around with that stupid grin and state he’s joking.  Waiting for him to pull her towards him and kiss her again. 

 

But he doesn’t. 

 

In the matter of seconds he’s back to typing and it’s as if nothing even happened. 

 

“It’s not gonna work, Luciel.” She feels the tears fall from her eyes, but she doesn’t care. “You can try as hard as you want, I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you.” If he hears her then he doesn’t make it known. 

 

It’s not until 4 a.m. when he’s sure she’s fallen asleep that he turns away from his work and spots her curled on the ground, cheeks stained with sticky tears, her bangs pressed against her forehead in a matted mess. 

 

He crouches beside her and scoops her into his arms, carrying her to the couch where he tucks a pillow behind her head and finds the nearest blanket to drape over her. 

 

He sits next to her sleeping form, back pressed against the couch. “I’m so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” He sniffles and runs a gruff hand across his eyes. “I was weak today and now I hurt you. Forgive me.” He turns on his knees and faces her form, running his fingers across her forehead to push aside her hair. 

 

“But I won’t be weak again. I promise.” 

 

He presses his lips to her forehead and lets her find peace. 


End file.
